the value of ownership
Day 3: Healing starts with acknowledging that some of my problems were/are my own fault.
None of us are perfect, and certainly, things happen that are outside of our control, but I can look back and admit that some heart aches and hardships in my life were from things that I either put myself in, or ignored the promptings to get myself out of.
For a LONG time, I used to blame everybody else for my problems, and one day, I realized: I never admitted that I was the problem.
There were times when I was afraid that God wasn’t going to come through so I made some bad financial decisions. There were other times when I wanted something so badly that I would not budge when the Holy Spirit told me to, and I ended up hurt in the end.
Through everything I’ve brought on myself, I’ve still seen God’s mercy in it.
Growing up, I used to think that God was petty. Like, I would be punished for making the wrong decisions. As a result, I was so afraid to admit that I’d done something wrong. I thought that people around me would be angry too and punish me. But the more I’ve grown in Him, the more I’ve learned that love really does casts out the fear of punishment. (1 John 4:18)
The Holy Spirit’s never met me with a “Girl! Didn’t I tell you this would go this way?!!” Instead, as I walk through the consequences of my actions, He’s met me with comfort, and given me community to help heal the places that were broken in my attempts to be God. I’m learning that His “No” and “Not right now” really are protection for my heart. & I’ve even learned/STILL am learning that the more honest I am, the more grace I find being given to me.
I’m not perfect. I still get stuff wrong, but I’m learning to walk away from decisions made out of fear. I’m learning to say no to things I really want when I KNOW it’s not right timing, and I’m learning how to set healthy boundaries for my life. & though I’m still walking through thing I didn’t do right, I’ve found wisdom and grace in those situations to help me to walk through them with joy.
