transparency ≠ vulnerability

Day 4: transparency does not equal vulnerability. 

For whatever reason, I think that the devil has convinced us all that transparency on social media is a substitute for vulnerability. We get on social media and we share things that are going on in our lives – we’re “deep,” sharing all of the things that should really be shared within our community. Then, we pat ourselves on the back for being so open and honest. 

I remember having a moment a few years ago where the Holy Spirit burst my little bubble by telling me that transparency was not hard for me. I could do transparency.  I can get up in a small group and say, “Yeah, girl! I get it! I’ve walked through that before!”

But transparency is not the same thing as vulnerability. Transparency is defined as, “having thoughts, feelings, or motives that are easily perceived.” Transparency almost holds a sense of ease to it. It’s saying what everybody else is already in the middle of saying. 

But vulnerability is something quite different. Vulnerability is, “the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” Vulnerability is a risk. Instead of joining the conversation, it’s initiating it. It’s completely opening myself and saying that the person I’m choosing to trust has the power to completely hurt me with their response or actions.

It’s one thing to say, “Yeah, I’ve struggled with porn before.” It’s another to say, “Hey, I’m STILL struggling with porn.”

Transparency gives us a little control in what we share. Vulnerability requires that we take the mask completely off. 

Transparency leaves me with the pat-on-the-back feeling. Vulnerability may just leave me feeling naked and exposed, BUT shared with the right people, it also helps me to experience a deeper measure of love and acceptance. 

This is where I should say that transparency is not a bad thing. The Bible talks about us comforting others in the same way that we’ve been comforted (2 Cor. 1:4). When we go through healing, we SHOULD be transparent so that other people can heal too. But, we’ve elevated something that’s easy, and we’ve taken away the heart work that vulnerability brings. 

Vulnerability is hard, and to be honest, it’s really not for social media. It’s the behind-the-scenes work that needs to be done with God and community. I told myself a few years ago, my community would not read about something on social media before I told them about it. 

So, what you see on social media is something that I would share with any stranger because I’ve already done the work of exposing myself and taking the mask off to people around me. In God’s love, and in their love, I feel comfortable sharing something with ease. 

My prayer for anyone who struggles with vulnerability is that the Lord would give you safe community for you to take the mask off with so that you may be healed (James 5:16). I pray that you receive the friendship of the Holy Spirit (I’m still learning that, too!) I pray that you give yourself grace — that if it takes YEARS to learn to be comfortable in vulnerability, that you’re along for the ride and fine with the process. I pray that you practice. Say the stuff that sounds silly to people who are safe.

Y’all, we’re going to grow in this! Let’s not be a shallow generation, only here for likes and follows. No, let’s be a people who are brave enough to be vulnerable when we need to be so that we can be transparent when we need to be.